The ripple effects of family transitions
We have talked about the people at core of a divorce — the couple, sure, but also children, the couple’s parents, friends, extended family, even pets. Healing is not a linear endeavor, and no one processes change the same way, or on a set timeline.
What about people you don’t even know? By nature, humans are story tellers. We connect to others through shared experiences and aspirational endeavors. That business leader I follow on LinkedIn? The architect I can’t wait to see an update from on Pinterest? Wouldn’t my life be so much better if only I could channel THAT talent.
Record scratch moment.
Coaching strategies can help with processing, goal setting, and even moving beyond the feeling of impostor syndrome. But coaching to address someone else’s transition? Seems like a waste of my money, no?!
Today I saw a popular blogger and stylist announce her divorce on her Instagram grid. This is a woman that seemingly “has it all.” She has been documenting her life via her blog for the last 15 years. We have been privy to her festive holidays, babies being born, husband getting his dream Defender (it’s a car!) and the seemingly perfect, never a dust bunny to be seen, life and home this pretty Texan has crafted.
And now … Divorce?!
Yes, dear reader, it can happen to the best of us. The story many of us have told ourselves about this blogger, and her family, is one deserving of a high pedestal. Her parents have passed on beautiful lessons about love and life, she and her husband work hard to provide for their family, her outfits, and blowout, are always spot on. And that spot, never to be found in the pristine background of each of the photos she posts. Sure, she had a hard time conceiving, but now she and her husband are blessed with two healthy and happy little girls. See, she had challenges, but “there is hope for us too”, is the story we tell.
As I read her heartfelt post today, I was struck by the intentionality of the message, and the words she chose to communicate her family’s transition. A marriage dissolution, her pain, thoughtfully crafted to respectfully update her audience. This is a public figure that has reaped the rewards of those immaculate kitchen floors; today she is a conduit for change. She provided her followers with the news, perhaps not shocking to some, without aspiration, perhaps not even to highlight a shared experience. She gave the data through the lens of her heart and she is letting her readers craft their own stories.
This is a coaching moment that is much more common than one might first think. In an effort to connect the dots, tell the story, to say it bluntly, we make things first about ourselves.
If this marriage didn’t work, how will I have hope? These were partners in business, love, and life - is real life sustainability and growth with another human even possible?
In an effort to calm our nervous systems and move on to the next challenge our brains face, we try, quickly, perhaps flippantly, to narrate the story.
I first encourage you to take a step back. Ask yourself what the facts are. Appreciate the interconnectedness of all of us humans, and then cut the proverbial chord on whatever story you are crafting for someone else.
The catch phrase of this blog has been, “Coaching Can Help.” With today’s example, seeing someone else’s transition and being grateful for the person sharing his or her story is ‘day zero,’ or the starting point. What is triggering you? How can the story you craft benefit you and the path you are on? And maybe even, how can you make the connection to support someone that has a lot of “to dos” in facing a family transition.
We see you, extended family and friends. Coaching can help!
Schedule your free session today.
And thank you @jaceyduprie for sharing your story. Wishing you love and light through your family transition, and beyond.
