Back to Basics: Divorce 101

Where to Start?

You’ve heard me say it before—coaching can help.

Divorce is overwhelming, but understanding your options is the first step. If you’ve listened to your heart, weighed your decisions with logic (maybe even used a little game theory), and decided that divorce is the right move, now comes the big question:

What’s next?

The Four Paths to Divorce

There are four primary ways to dissolve a marriage:

1️⃣ Mediation

Mediation is a non-adversarial process where you and your spouse work with a neutral third party to reach agreements.
✅ Typically less expensive than going to court.
✅ You and your ex control the outcome, rather than a judge.
✅ Can involve attorneys, but doesn’t have to.
❌ Mediation is non-binding—if either party walks away, you’re back to square one.

Focus Family First, trained in mediation at the Seattle University School of Law, can help with mediation services, in addition to coaching.

2️⃣ Arbitration

Arbitration is like a private trial, but with a third-party arbitrator (often a retired judge or attorney) making the final decision.
✅ Faster than litigation.
✅ More private than court.
✅ A binding decision means no surprises.
❌ The arbitrator’s decision is final—there’s usually no appeal.

3️⃣ Collaborative Divorce

A team-based approach where both spouses hire lawyers trained in collaborative law. Everyone commits to resolving issues outside of court.
✅ Encourages cooperation and problem-solving.
✅ Lawyers, financial experts, and parenting specialists can be involved.
❌ If negotiations fail, both parties must hire new attorneys and start over in litigation.

4️⃣ Litigation (Traditional Divorce)

This is what most people think of when they hear "divorce"—a judge decides the outcome in court.
✅ Necessary for high-conflict cases.
✅ Provides clear, legally binding resolutions.
❌ Expensive, emotionally draining, and slow. Court backlogs can cause long delays.

Choosing the right path is crucial—and coaching can help you decide what’s best for you.

Can You DIY Your Divorce?

Maybe you’ve imagined a “kitchen table divorce” where you and your spouse amicably separate with no outside help.

While this sounds simple, it’s rarely recommended unless you have:
✅ No assets or debts.
✅ No children or pets.
✅ No need for financial support.

Even in uncontested divorces, paperwork errors can cause costly delays. If you’re considering this route, look into self-help legal clinics or Family Law Facilitators in your county to ensure you file correctly.

First Things First: Choosing Representation

A lawyer is not your therapist (unless they happen to be one—but that’s another story!).

Your lawyer is focused on legal outcomes. They need to know:
🔹 Your assets, debts, and income.
🔹 Your budget and financial needs.
🔹 Your children’s developmental needs.

What they won’t do is help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster, co-parenting strategies, or future goal-setting. That’s where divorce coaching comes in. Book a session to discuss your legal support needs HERE.

Key Agreements You’ll Need to Finalize

No matter which divorce path you take, you’ll need to settle:
✅ Division of assets and debts—Who gets what?
✅ Spousal support—Is financial support needed, and for how long?
✅ Child custody & residential schedule—Where will your children live?
✅ Pet custody—Yes, this is a real thing!

Sounds overwhelming? That’s because it is.

Negotiating these agreements isn’t just about “what’s fair”—it’s about what’s sustainable for your future. Coaching helps you stay clear-headed, strategic, and child-focused through these decisions.

Then Comes the Waiting…

Even after you’ve reached an agreement, you won’t be legally divorced until a judge signs off.

How long does this take?
🕒 Uncontested divorces can be finalized in a few months.
🕒 Court backlogs mean contested divorces can take a year or more.

While you wait, use this time to:
✔️ Focus on your emotional healing.
✔️ Plan for your new financial reality.
✔️ Improve communication with your ex (especially if co-parenting).

The Cost of Divorce—Financial & Emotional

Divorce isn’t just expensive in dollars. It costs:
💸 Legal fees—The more conflict, the more you pay.
💸 Court costs—Even if you settle, paperwork fees add up.
💸 Emotional bandwidth—This process is draining.

The good news? There is an incredible life waiting for you on the other side. And you don’t have to do this alone.

Coaching Can Help.

⚡ Gain clarity on your legal options.
⚡ Stay calm and strategic through negotiations.
⚡ Protect your career, parenting, and financial future.

📅 Book a free consultation today!

What’s Next?

This transition may feel overwhelming, but you have support. Whether you need help choosing your divorce path, preparing for negotiations, or building a co-parenting plan, Focus Family First is here to help.

🔹 You don’t have to go through this alone.
🔹 Coaching can help you move forward with confidence.

Let’s talk. Schedule time HERE.

*Most counties have Family Law Facilitators. They can help with the documents you will need for your Family Court process.